


Barley's Ultimate plan for love

by Queen_of_killers



Category: Onward (2020)
Genre: Multi, don't expect a lot of Ian, expect many anime references, liberties taken with the timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25810471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_of_killers/pseuds/Queen_of_killers
Summary: Barley's Life hasn't changed such since he graduated, and after seeing how much Ian's has Barley must turn his around to change it for the better once and for all. And he finds out just how to do it
Relationships: Barley Lightfoot/Original Character(s), Colt Bronco/Laurel Lightfoot, Corey | The Manticore (Onward)/Laurel Lightfoot, Ian Lightfoot/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	Barley's Ultimate plan for love

**Author's Note:**

> if you're confused abut where this fits in the timeline, basically the event's of the movie don't happen but Ian still has his staff. Let's just say Wilden misplaced his letter

Barley sighed as he leaned on the counter wanting to go home, he looked at the clock realising he only had two more minutes left till six pm. Despite being such a short time he’s fearful because there's a chance a customer might come in and overstay their welcome for another ten minutes, it happened before on numerous occasions so he knew how to handle it. Thankfully luck was on his side and the two minutes passed without anyone coming to the shop, Barley was relieved and quickly went to the front door and locked it. After changing from his uniform into his usual clothes he locked up the hobby place he worked and fixed it up for the next day. Barley’s shift made it so he’d arrive at the shop before any of his other coworkers and left after everyone else. After looking at his van had been vandalized with various p#$%ses he sighed and covered them up with cardboard, this has also happened before as well. He then drove back home, partway there he lit a cigarette and contemplated quitting his job and biting the bullet of giving college a try. Barley got the job two months ago when the hobby shop opened up, he thought it’d be a dream come true working there. But all it did was remind him that he had already wasted his entire life at the age of twenty. Most of his coworkers said that the only reason they got that job was because it paid surprisingly well, and the two people that were actually into the stuff were complete shut-ins. 

Barley did not hate his job in any way, but with his coworkers and obnoxious customers he certainly didn’t like it either. His job was fairly out of town so it took him thirty minutes to get back home, Barley smoked two cigarettes in that time. No one in his family knew that he smoked, for fear of being more judged than he is. Besides he only did on occasions when he was stressed out, but ever since he got his job that was almost every day. Once he got home he hid his cigarettes, but neglected to do the same for the ashtray. Arriving at the door he took a deep breath and tried to get into a more cheerful mood, he hated it whenever someone saw him in a bad mood. Once he got in that mood he opened the door he greeted his mother with a “ALAS, I HAVE RETURNED FOR THE FEAST!”. This made Laurel sigh and reply “Barley I was trying to call you for twenty minutes, I wanted to know what you wanted for takeout.”. This puzzled Barley, so he asked her “I thought you said you were gonna make spaghetti?”. Laurel replied “I did, I just gave your serving to an unexpected guest”. “YOU GAVE MY FOOD TO YOUR BOYFRIEND?!?” said Barley in a loud voice. Laurel ignored her son's shouting and said “No, I always make enough for my three special boys, it’s just that one of them brought a “friend” over”. Barely wondered what she meant by that, until he saw Ian come down from the stairs, with a girl. Barley went up to Ian after he came down and asked “Why, whom might this fair maiden be.”. 

Ian looked embarrassed for a second and said “Well, she’s my girlfriend Matelia!”. Barley took a closer look at the girl, wondering what kind of catch did Ian manage to reel in. She was a blue elf just like the both of them, she was a little shorter than Ian but it was barely noticeable. Her face was average and her hair was emo’ish, as in part of her hair blocked one of her eyes. As for clothing she wore a long sleeve button shirt with a purple and blue checkered vest on top of it, as for her lower half she wore a red and pink striped skirt with matching socks. She also wore all black high top shoes with purple laces, alongside this she also had a heart shape bag with various pins on it. All around she was very cute but Barley couldn’t tell what her personality was by looks alone. So he asked “Well, how did my little bro get someone as cute as you?”. Matelia blushed and said “Oh I met this dork when he accidentally sent my ex’s car on fire, so of course I realised I found love at first sight!”. Barley was surprised when he heard this, and even more surprised when Ian said “Heh yeah, the only reason why I’m standing right here is back she saved me from her ex smashing my face to the ground.”. Barley wondered how the girl could do this, so again he asked “Well how exactly did she help you?” to Ian. Ian got very excited and quickly pointed his head towards Matelia and signaled her. 

She instantly knew what to do and reached into her bag to pull out a small stick with a small purple gem on the very tip of it. Barley instantly knew what it was and gushed to the girl about how he couldn’t believe that not only was there another wizard in town, but she was also dating his brother! While Barley raved on about the girl Ian started to look more annoyed than embarrassed, he gave his older brother glances and glares trying to signal him to stop. Ian realises that his tactics aren’t working and said “Okay Barley I think it’s time to play with your toys now.”. Barley was offended by this, so he said “HEY, you know that they’re not toys!”. “Oh sorry, it’s time to play with your action figures then.” said Ian smugley. “I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT FOR ROLE PLAYING PURPOSES, WHY DO YOU KEEP FORGETTING THAT.” said Barley, genuinely angry. “Because why bother? It’s not like I’m ever gonna play that dumb game.” said Ian. Barley took a couple deep breaths and said“Well you should, I know that even one game will make you a more experienced spell caster. Hey we should have Matelia-”. “Don’t drag Matelia into this!” interrupted Ian. “You don’t know that she doesn’t want to experience Quests of Yore!” Barley rebutted. “Don’t say ‘Experience”, it makes you sound like a creep!” argued Ian. 

“OOOO, THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING” shouted Matelia as the brothers continue to argue. “Egh, I don’t need this right now.” sighed Laurel while heading out the door. She stopped in the driveway and called for barley, ending the brother’s argument. Barley headed out along with Ian and Matelia to hear Laurel say “what’s the meaning of this?” pointing to the van covered in cardboard. Barley looked at her nervously and said “Well I saw online that you should cover up vans with paint on them at night to avoid paint degradation.”. Laurel instantly knew he was lying and said “Barley you know that I know whenever you’re lying, just tell me why you got another paint job on your car!”. Barley was a little surprised and said “Mom it’s not a paint job I swear, I’ll fix it tomorrow first thing in the morning.” Laurel was shocked and went up to the van to take off the cardboard and said “FIX?! Barley what did you do this ti-”. Laurel then saw all the graffitied on P@#$ses and was shocked, as was Ian as well. Matelia on the other hand looked and the vandalized van with curiosity and said “Wow Ian, why didn’t you tell me your brother had a D@#$ mobile!”. Laurel turned to Barley and said “What’s the meaning of this?!?”. “YOU THINK I WANTED THIS?” Barly shouted, letting his emotions go crazy. Barley breathed in again, and said “Some kids vandalised her when I was working, I’ll just paint over it like I always do.”. “Wait, this happened before?!” said Laurel confused. “You call your van a she?” said Matelia, equally confused.

“It's name is Guiniverre.” Ian whispered to Matelia. “Speaking of your van-” Laurel said as she peered into the van. “Could you at least do a little cleaning, I mean good lord! If you did care so much about this van then yo-” Laurel stopped talking as soon as she saw something. This made Barley remember he forgot to put away the ashtray, and he knew it was the case when his mother said “Why is this in your van.” in a calm yet worried voice as she pulls out the ashtray. Barley tried to think of a way to get out of this as quickly as possible. He knew saying it was from a friend wouldn’t make sense, since he didn’t have any. And saying he found on the street and was planning on throwing it out tomorrow was just plain stupid. So he just took a deep breath and said “I have that because I smoke.”. “How long?” said Laurel both worried and disappointed in her son. Barley looked at his mother cringing as he said “A little after I started working.”. This was actually a lie, since Barley started smoking when he started high school and managed to successfully hide it up until that point. This was still surprising to both Laurel, Ian and even Matelia. “You’ve been smoking for two months! Barley you know that even one cigarette can lead to cancer!” Laurel said to Barley worryingly. “I know, I know!” Barley said as he casually started to look away from his mother. 

“Then why do you do it? You know this stuff kills!” Laurel said to Barley clearly worried about his health. “Well I heard stress kills too!” Barley said. “If you’re really stressed then go on a walk, it’ll definitely help with your weight.” Laura said without thinking about it. Barley then stood there idolly, with a defeated face to boot. Once Laura realized what she said Barley had already started to tear up, he then headed straight to his room with his head down. This left Laurel to cover up the van again with Ian and Matelia helping her, with Barley laying down on his bed with his face in his pillow while softly crying. Barley stopped after an half hour and looked at facebook on his phone, seeing how everyone has changed for the better, even the loser’s like himself. He knew why it was like this, he never cared about all the moderness the other student’s obsessed over as he saw it. And it wasn’t like he was the only one who thought this either, and Barley wondered what made him so different. He then suddenly knew why, they all got Laid. Barley realized that even the ones that were so far down on the social ladder managed to get a golden escalator ride to the top after sleeping with someone. He saw that it even worked with his younger brother as well, seeing as how Ian became a whole new person in a couple of days! Barley’s eyes had opened, and he knew what his new mission was. After making a list of possible sweethearts and other preparations Barley went to bed, eager to turn his life around once and for all.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment all criticisms down below


End file.
